an alternative to the normal quick fix...

_{looking over everything i write here or there in the cyberspace makes me have a good laugh at myself, always testing myself, always trying to come up with a new perspective upon everything, always trying to better myself. but i guess that's what growing up is, right ?}

i should probably aware those who stumble upon these lines to stop at this point, i don't think there's much you could learn from my personal experience and i don't mean to bore you.

_{however, given be the latest events (losing my personal laptop, most important of all), i had the time (plenty of it) to reevaluate myself and my own everything.}

to those who question what does all this have to do with art and deviantART, i must say that at the moment i find life to be the most complex form of art you'll find out there. and i don't wish to debate that.

<sub>so with a broken laptop (dead screen, dead cooler) and not a fancy everyday social life (personal option, not pitiful situation) i was brought to the point of figuring out what the hell i want from my life, what the hell i don't receive from my life and most important of all, WHY the hell i don't receive what i want from my life.
therefore as a lists addict person that i am, i started by scribbling a black list! the most feared, the roughest and the all knowing black list. kind of like a 'written' closet - always there, always packed with skeletons. call me a masochist, but i do like to face my demons.
so here i am in the middle of the night of i don't remember which day, listening to music on my iPod (and hoping its battery won't die too), while i write the long list of my life's issues...
and since the hardest part was to figure out whose fault for every bad is, i presumed it's all my fault and therefore looked forward to see what must be changed in order to make my life better.

in the end i must say it was all worth it. i rid my existence of unwanted doubts, things and persons, of major time wasters, i rediscovered old and golden hobbies, i changed my perspectives regarding a lot of things and people, i discovered new interests (which it's normal for normal people, but not for conservator people like me), i learned to accept and trust things, but question whenever it implies so, but most important of all, i learned to evaluate things according to how i feel and not to how i am thought to. for too long i've put my own concepts and beliefs on a lower place and accepted what i was thought, just because i thought it isn't polite to consider my own views better than the ones of others. yes, diplomacy is crime if not used in the right doses! that should be kept in mind.
i also learned to share more. i got myself so used with keeping everything to myself, that at some point everything i did and thought felt insignificant. i'm not saying it is not an awesome feeling to do a lot of cool things and keep them to yourself, it sure does make you feel great (in a weird way), but at some point you should take some shards from the greatness of your own little world and bring them up to the public attention. if not for a little appreciation from the people around, then at least for the people's sake. there are MANY people who suffer mentally and emotionally from seeing only negativity and randomness around. so if you don't intend to brag a little with what you do (which normally should stimulate them into bettering themselves and their lives), then think of all those around you who complain about how shallow their lives are and how nothing ever happens.
to cut it short, basically remember Gandhi ("be the change you want to see in the world")
and to stop talking so evasive and general about myself i'm gonna make a list of keywords regarding what i've been doing lately and what i'm willing to keep doing + things i haven't done yet, but i'm eager to start whenever time allows it</sub>

social life, books, guitar, music, college/studying, people, computers, scheduling, lists, presents, movies, religion, South Park, photography, stock photography, art, pets, cats, trips, fiancee, love 'n sex, changes, sports, cooking, cartoons, web design, Photoshop, Illustrator, Human-Age, plans, promises, high hopes, dreams (good and bad), customizing, clothing, Polyvore, walks, news, online TV & online news, e-mail, blogs, poetry, criticism, life itself.


<sub>and since bettering myself and my everything is what i'm doing lately, i'm gonna take my time and think about a way to include more deviantART and mainly art in my spare time.
also my deviant journal's structure is something to re-think in a more efficient way, so i'll try to do something about that soon.
and of course, new personal work to be submitted soon.

for anything else regarding my (online) activity check the list in the ID section.</sub>




that's all for now people, keep up the good work and of course, keep creative
and for your spare time, please check this YouTube link of George Carlin's poetic monologue about the modern man that he was. RIP once again to my at the moment favorite dead person.